Carol Adrienne, Ph.D.
December 2008

Recently, I was catching up with a friend on the telephone, whom I shall call Ted.  Ted was feeling depressed.  “I feel like a loser.  I feel defeated,” he said.  “My 401 K is way down, and it wasn’t all that much to begin with. My back is killing me.  My business is slowing down. I had a big fight about politics with my father during the election.  Lately, I walk around the house, and think, ‘What’s the point?’” 

In another conversation earlier that same week, I was talking with a friend, Lynn, who has Parkinson’s disease.   She had called to check out the meaning of the date [i.e., numerologically] that she was scheduled for a procedure on her brain.  She said, “I’m going in for brain surgery on [certain date] and I hadn’t thought to ask you about what kind of day it is for me.”  Of course, I told her that no matter what numerology might say, she had to trust her doctor and the choice of treatment.  With that said, I described the date’s meaning in terms of her Personal Day number.  I told her the day could be interpreted as a time for implementing a fundamental and practical method that could release an old condition and expand physical control.  “That’s just what I needed to hear,” she said with a smile in her voice. “That’s what we are hoping to achieve with the brain implant.  Increasingly, I’ve been experiencing time periods when I literally get “frozen” and paralyzed.  This procedure is supposed to help me smooth out my muscle control. [at least that’s the explanation I understood her to say.]  I’m ready to try it if there is a chance I’ll have a little bit better quality of life.”

In yet a third discussion, a friend told me that she and another woman (let’s call her Frieda) were at a conference talking about a problem in a non-profit organization. Frieda had formerly worked in the organization, but had recently moved away to another position in another city.  She told my friend that she was upset because she felt that the non-profit was still not making the changes that she thought were all-important.  My friend listened for awhile, and then said, “Maybe you need to let this subject go.  You already moved away because you weren’t happy there.  You couldn’t change the organization then, and you can’t change it now.  You’ve moved on, but it sounds like you haven’t realized it yet.”  My friend said that the woman was stunned into silence for a few minutes.  The next day, my friend ran into her again.  She told me, “Frieda looked completely transformed, relaxed, and happy.  She thanked me for pointing out that she had, indeed, moved on.  She realized that she was finally ready to let go of the struggle. She said, ‘I feel liberated!’”

Do any of these scenarios sound familiar to you? 

Addiction to Struggle Makes Our Ego Feel Important
Each case has something to say about how the power of acceptance can make a difference in the experience of our life.  In the cases of Ted and Frieda, neither had come to the place of acceptance about what is true in their life.  Each was suffering because they were struggling with things over which they had no true ability to make better. 

By the way, if we are really honest, we recognize that there is almost always a “pay-off” or secondary gain for staying in a struggle. Examples of secondary gains might be a feeling of, “I’m right and they’re wrong” or “See, nothing ever goes right, so why even try?” Or “Nobody understands what I’m trying to do.” (“I’m special but misunderstood.”)

Sometimes when we fall into a “poor me” attitude—such as Ted was expressing--it is an old habit that allows us to unconsciously elicit sympathy.  Expressing how bad we feel does vent negative energy, and can be useful for a limited amount of time.  However, dwelling on the negative can also be an unconscious ploy to get others’ attention and sympathy.  Since I know that Ted loves good food, wine, and gadgets, eventually his depression may even serve as a rationalization (again unconscious) for a binge or a new expenditure as a reward.  While I do not know Frieda, I might wonder if she is the type who feels more alive when she is struggling to convince others of something, or championing a good (but lost) cause.

Acceptance is the State of Mind that Brings Peace of Mind
On the other hand, Lynn, despite dealing with a progressive physical disease, is living from a state of mind of acceptance.  While not wishing to have this illness, she nevertheless, looks for the purpose and meaning in her life (we’ve had many good conversations about this.)  Acceptance allows her the freedom to develop the life she has, despite having had to give up many of her previous aspirations.

So many of us grow up thinking that we must always tackle problems head on, and we spend hours worrying about things that are really not in our control.  Our ego feels that it is it’s duty to stress out and struggle with outside forces, so that it can prove over and over again that it is worthwhile and is “making progress.” 

I am not saying that we should just lay back and become lazy, or settle into a feeling of resignation.  Acceptance is not resignation.  Resignation leads to blame, and feeling helpless and worthless.  Acceptance, on the other hand, is knowing that things have their own sense of timing, that there are natural cycles of increase and decrease.  Acceptance knows that things may look one way today and completely differently tomorrow.  We say to ourselves, “It is what it is,” or “Everything happens for a reason.”

We can also have full acceptance of our situation, and still leave room in our hearts for miracles.

Acceptance is curiosity about how things might change, but not anxiety about changing them through effort and brute force.  Acceptance is understanding that some things may be influenced by our effort (e.g., fund-raising for a candidate, publicizing an environmental problem, or simplifying the way we live) and some things cannot (e.g., what others choose to do.)

In Ted’s case above, he encounters a market downturn, and sees his assets evaporate—events not in his control.  In perfect symmetry, his body reacts with a physical symptom—back pain--literally symbolizing his fear of losing financial strength and support.  His ego--searching for more things that are “wrong,” in order to rationalize why he feels so down--focuses on his father’s screamingly bigoted political views.  Ted cannot change the market, cannot change his portfolio loss, and cannot change his father.  Instead of coming to accept that things are not as he would like them to be, he chooses to surround himself with fear and self-doubt, self-righteousness and anger, and a negative outlook which generalizes to “I’m a loser.”  Acceptance has the power to free us from fear and doubt.

This Moment is Perfect in It’s Own Way
Awareness of how our inner attitudes are shaping our external experience is the first step to spiritual awakening. The next step toward peace of mind is accepting the world as it presents itself.   Ironically, only when you stop thinking that things should be different than they are can you actually have a different experience.   When there is something that you can do to contribute to a situation, then it is your business to take that action.

I’ve had my share of times when I have felt upset or even panicked about something.  It might have been caused by a decision I made, the state of my bank account, a life-threatening illness, a friend who stopped calling me, or a project that was stuck.  My ego immediately gets racked with self-doubt, re-hashing, and proliferating thoughts of “maybe I should have’s….”

Things Are (Still/Always) Unfolding
Time, however, seems to be changing my attitude quite nicely, with less effort on my part.   I think of it as one of the benefits of getting older.  In the past year or so, I have felt a subtle shift in my attitude. I still am prone to self-doubt, but more and more I accept that I can slow down a bit, without feeling I am “giving in.”  Now, I am more in tune with a sense of letting things unfold.

I enjoy the idea that I am now in the late—not last-- phase of my life.  I’m only two years away from the big seven oh.  Wow, how did that happen?  While I don’t take my health for granted anymore, and have bought (and use) a treadmill, and am committed to actually putting my vitamins and supplements into my mouth three times a day, I do accept the comforts, joys, and quality of this phase of my life. 

Over the years, some of the “universal principles” taught by one of my favorite teachers, Arnold Patent, (author of You Can Have it All) ring in my ears:

•  “Everyone and everything in the Universe is already perfect, including myself.”
•  “Infinite Intelligence is inherently perfect and expresses this perfection through Universal Laws.  I am created and function according to these laws expressing themselves perfectly in my life.”
•  “I trust in the Universe’s total support of me at all times.”
  

Take another look at your world and see if you can recognize its perfection. Each person is playing the part he or she needs to play.  You don’t have to prove anything.  You are perfect just the way you are at this moment--in all your magnificence! 

Happiest of Decembers!
Carol Adrienne

Carol Adrienne, Ph.D. is an intuitive counselor and life coach who has helped thousands of people work through doubt, procrastination, and obstacles to create the life they want to live. Private consultations and coaching available. Contact her at Carol@caroladrienne.com

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