October, 2006

Carol Adrienne, Ph. D.

    Karen (not her real name) wrote in with a question that I think applies to many of us.  How do we become the people we were born to be?  In Karen’s case—she asks how to embrace the creative person she is—and still be practical?  She wrote:

“I am in a number 9 year [numerologically.]  I'm thinking about returning to school  to study photography or writing, but at the same time, I find  myself  worried about whether such choices make practical sense.   My background is anthropology.  I took an unfortunate detour to law school, quitting two papers shy of completion.  I have spent two years getting my health back while dealing with feelings of utter failure, even though I know in my heart I just couldn't continue in the law.  The universe kept sending messages -- breast cancer, divorce, child's bi-polar breakdown--that perhaps I wasn't headed in the right direction.  I also disliked the adversarial nature of the profession.  So now I'm faced with choosing a direction while overcoming a sense of having failed.   How do I make best use of this number 9 year?”

    I asked Karen to say more about her situation. She wrote back to say that she felt like an outsider in law, but had liked the philosophy of law. In her twenties she was a singer, and played the piano and guitar. She’s been a muralist, ceramist, artist's representative, photographer, and writer for small papers. Another option, she says, might be to pursue grant writing as she has some volunteer experience.

    Karen also says that she has suffered tremendous stress and financial drain from an early first marriage to an abusive man.  Despite being happily married now, she says there is some tension because she feels that her husband is waiting for her to get clear about her career and start making money. Interestingly, a trip to visit an old professor with whom she had an affair in her twenties, has recently re-energized her, but she still feels scattered and uncertain of what direction to pursue.  A quick review of Karen’s chart shows:

    Each of her first, middle, and last names come to the same total—the number 4, indicating a very persevering nature that would resonate with law and the earth (painting, ceramics)  and social conditions (anthropology.) 

    Both Karen’s  full life-time Destiny as well as her Realization Number (final outcome) are 3-- clearly indicating a creative lifetime.  Her Heart’s Desire of 8 shows that she wants to attain professional status and recognition.  The 8 also demands that she be able to deal with money and inter-personal power (something she learned in her relationship with the abusive first partner, and probably the reason she chose to study law.)  Her total birth date numbers give her a 9 Birth Path—signaling a person who is broad minded, philosophical, multi-talented, and humanitarian (she liked the philosophy of law, has already developed a facility for grant writing, has already studied anthropology, and expressed herself in several of the arts.)

    Karen’s three missing numbers (she has no letters in her name) are 2, 6, and 7.  The 2 and 6 indicates that she will have more than one marriage, and learn how to deal with partnership without losing her center. The missing 7 (and she also has a 7 Day of Birth) may be a clue to a possible direction--research. 

     Karen, your question about how to make the best use of a 9 year may be in the realm of putting the past to rest.  Interestingly, you reconnected with your old professor in this 9 year.  The 9 is a time of completion, letting go, integrating the past with insight, and also expanding your horizons.  Emotions are frequently up and down as you make the transition to another level of knowing and expressing yourself.

    One could say that your real work is about to begin.  In January you are due to enter a 1 year—starting not only a whole new 9-year cycle, but also stepping into your last major Pinnacle—the inspiring 11/2.  In 2006 (your 9 personal year) you now have only 3 more months to complete the requirements of this period.  Those requirements have something to do with how you are holding judgments against yourself and the past.  For example,  
 Can you reframe your sense of failure about not finishing the law degree?  Can you appreciate all the effort you put into getting that far, and the honesty and courage it took to not continue in something that didn’t feel quite right?  Whose voice are you carrying around that says you failed?

•   Can you appreciate what you have learned so far in standing up for yourself in your previous marriage/divorce difficulties? 
• Can you look back and see a consistent spark of passion for any part of the law process that you could embrace in the future?
• Do you really have a passion to make a professional career in art or music, or is that an old dream that needs to be gently laid to rest? (I’m not disregarding that fact that you can’t help but be creative—it’s deep in your nature, but you may not want to make a living at it, either.) Be honest.
• If you are going to study photography, are you prepared to set up shop and market that skill?  Have you talked to other photographers about how this field has changed with new technology? What do you have to do to make a living at photography?
• The conflict that is apparent underneath your earlier questions seems to be around thinking you should be pursuing the arts, but wanting something more tangible and immediate that can ease this tension and expectation that you are experiencing.  My sense is that if you were going to have a full-blown music or art career you would have done it by now—what do you think? What are your secret beliefs about your talent?  Many of us tend to depreciate ourselves, despite having massive talent as seen by others. However, if we have no confidence, our talent may not reach its audience.
  

      I do see creativity in your chart for the next couple of years, so I would think you’d definitely be wanting to express yourself or also studying photography. But I also see some kind of more formal job career with possibly a firm or non-profit.  This rather structured situation could also mean going to school.

    In looking at your chart, my feeling is that whatever you choose to focus on, you need a bit more training or education.  I have a feeling that next year (possibly March 2007?) you are going to come across some kind of training-- either on-the-job training or maybe a short-term course on something that requires research and writing.  You do have a law background now, so you might look for jobs that require research for law or governmental firms, or perhaps non-profits that help women get low-cost divorces.  This last pinnacle of 11/2 suggests you might be working with women or in counseling of some kind—helping others gain insight. 

    You will always be a person with multiple interests so you need a job that gives you flexibility—like visiting clients or something where each day has an interesting mix.  Grant writing for non-profits could be a good source of income as it gives you flexibility. If you were able to add photography to strengthen the emotional appeal of a grant proposal, you might find a fantastic new niche! You would need, however, to get into a good network who know about your work so that you can keep attracting clients.  I have a good friend who teaches grant writing workshops for non-profits, which allows her to work almost anywhere in the world, and is something she can arrange to suit her schedule.  By the way, she’s also a very wonderful artist who recently traveled to Tibet for the purpose of painting the wildflowers there.

    Getting to the level of teaching workshops, of course, doesn’t happen overnight.  But if you get really good at this—it could be a nice way to combine your creativity and your sense of order and system which perhaps partly attracted you to the law. 
Karen, from your past history and what you have said, you strike me as possibly one of the people I call the Visionary type!  Visionaries always feel inspired when they think of all the career possibilities that they might or could  pursue.  However, visionaries often try to avoid making a career choice because they can’t let go of that feeling that if they choose something, they are closing the door on something even better.  Somehow the open-ended confusion about what to do is preferable to feeling trapped in something. I’m not saying this is necessarily what you feel.

    To deal with the stress of your marital finances, you might want to take some kind of temporary work to stabilize yourself.  If you hear about a course of study that appeals to you, is not too costly or lengthy, then think of it as one more area of expertise you can acquire, not the last thing you’ll ever do. Spend some time thinking how you could use photography to make money.

    I have a feeling that by the time you are fifty, you will have found a good network of people (again I think it’s mostly women) where you can make a creative contribution.  In the meantime, one thing you might also consider is to develop skills as a public speaker (you are going into the 11/2 energy, which sometimes gets you into the limelight or up on the podium.)

Keep in touch, and let me know what happens!
Note:  After reading the above analysis, Karen emailed me with this message:

“When I read what you've written about the need for releasing judgments, I was floored, and started crying, with feelings of recognition and relief.  What's amazing is that I've had several  conversations this week with friends and my husband about the  ‘J’ part of being ‘INFJ,’ “[Karen is referring to the Meyers-Briggs psychological typing method.]

Karen continues, “My feeling is that I would like to be less  "J" [literally judging, but also refers to a tendency to want to control circumstances] “[I would like to be] doing instead what the Buddhist nun Pema Chodron recommends -  remaining open and curious, rather than meeting information with a  judgment.

“You mentioned counseling and research, too, which amazes me.  I don't think I'd mentioned to you in my letter that I've considered counseling as a profession.  My gut feeling has always been that I would make a good counselor.  This was what I loved about the law -  hearing people's stories and being able to help them address their  issues.  In my daily life, friends and even strangers at the airport confide their life stories in me.  I am also an information junkie, so research is something I love to do.
“Thank you again.”  Karen

Happy October,
Carol Adrienne

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Carol Adrienne, Ph.D. is an intuitive counselor and life coach who has helped thousands of people work through doubt, procrastination, and obstacles to create the life they want to live. Private consultations and coaching available. Contact her at Carol22@sonic.net